You’ve been dating for a few months, or few years and you just love her. You’ve been wondering when to pop the question.
But then you go out for a few drinks with your friends and they put ideas in your head. You start to question whether she’s the right girl for you. Whether she is or isn’t marriage material? Don’t get into a state. It’s rather easy to figure this out. Read on:
What is she like?
She should be secure and sorted in life. Assess her emotional stability, what is she like around you, your friends and family. See if she accepts them like you do, or tries to find flaws in them. Does she accept you the way you are or is always trying to change you? How does she handle situations in life? Does she crumble under pressure, or stands up and fights? Is she clingy? Wants to know where you are every second of the day? Does she always doubt you? Wants to be the one taking all the decisions? Does she diligently go through your wallet, your cell phone? Wants to know your password to your email account?
Does she know where she’s headed in life? Understand what’s important to her. What are her goals and values? What are her personal and professional goals? Can she take care of herself financially? If she is making her own money she won’t expect you to run the household. See how she handles her money? A simple test could be to see whether she reaches for her purse at restaurants when the cheque comes. Find out whether she is a spendthrift or a hoarder? Money is one of the causes why some marriages end up in a divorce. So make sure you lay out clear rules regarding handling of finances.
Find out if you truly are sexually, physically attracted to her. Whether she has the same sexual needs? Is she ready to have sex every time you initiate or holds sex back until she feels like it? Do you feel attracted to her only when you’re drunk or at all times of the day? Is there enough romance in your relationship to take it all the way through? Marriage is quite unlike dating. It’s going to be longer periods of togetherness. You need to find out whether you are sexually, physically compatible.
Do your values match up? Say, she wants kids and you don’t. She wants to have an independent house, while you can’t live away from your parents. Having the same values is absolutely important for a successful marriage. If you don’t think the same way about certain things, trouble could rear its ugly head.
She should be able to hold decent conversations with you. She should be as intelligent as you are. What are her views about things – politics, sports, science, arts, literature, music – whatever interests you both. Does she make valid arguments? Can she hold her own during a debate? How educated she is? Does she have a good sense of humor? It’s fine for you to make her laugh? But does she make you laugh?
She should have her own interests. She should have her own hobbies and passions – things that keep her occupied. She should have her own set of friends that she hangs out with – have her own social life. If she wants to be a part of all your plans, soon enough you will start resenting her and eventually your marriage. See how much time she spends on her hobbies. That doesn’t mean you cannot participate in each other’s interests. If she is into dancing, you can take a lesson or two. If you’re into bungee jumping, she can come along at times and take a plunge. But as far as possible, have your own interests and keep that time for yourself. Don’t mix everything.
If you thought only men had trouble communicating or expressing their feelings, think again. Women tend to be like that, too. Does your girlfriend pick up a fight with you often, over things you think are not even worth it? Is she always in a sour mood? You know something is bothering her, but instead of talking about it, she will scream at you and want to be left alone. Is she like that often? She is fighting with you over something, for example not calling her enough, but you know the issue is really something else, perhaps she thinks you’re ignoring her and not involving her in your life enough. She should be able to communicate her feelings to you clearly and vice versa, or else the marriage might not work.
Check up on these aspects, ask yourself these questions. If you get a positive answer on all counts, she is one hundred percent marriage material. Don’t let her go; she is THE one.
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