SHE

Top 10 Reasons Why We’re Dumped

By Piper Weiss, Shine Staff


"I'm not ready for a relationship." If those six words have ever snapped open your rib cage and scooped out your heart like gut hook, then you might be a woman.

It's the most popular excuse women hear when they're being dumped, according to a survey released Tuesday.

The results are based on over 500 male and female users of Wot Went Wrong, a reverse dating site that allows exes to get and give answers about unsuccessful relationships.

In a period of four months, 15 percent of female users got the "not ready" response- the kind of reason that makes you want to ask more questions. But you might not want to dig too deep.

Consider the second and third most popular reasons men dumped women on the site: #2 Low sex drive. #3 Bad hygiene.

Is "I'm not ready" really just a nice way of saying "you have bad breath?"

Not necessarily, says psychologist and member of the male sex Lee Shapiro, PsyD. "They may be being honest about not being ready for the responsibility of commitment."

Tracy McMillan agrees, sort of.

"I think they're telling the truth," says the author of the new book, Why You're Not Married Yet, "but I would add to the end of that sentence 'with you.' They're not ready for a relationship with you. It's a nice way of saying this isn't the long term situation I want, but that's not because you're not good enough."

"It's a social grace," says McMillan.

To be fair, women have their own social graces, if you want to call it that. According to the survey, the most popular excuse women gave when dumping guys on the site was, "There's someone else."

It's not exactly gracious, especially if its true. But it does get the message across without putting a guy down.

"I would think the reason a woman would say that is to finalize the breakup," suggests McMillan. "It's a clear-cut way of making him stop the chase in a somewhat diplomatic way."

What's less diplomatic: Too short (the #7 most popular reason women gave men on the site)

Despite our tweaks of language, we're not so different. Both men and women can be vapid and cruel when it comes to the opposite sex. And if we're trying to be nice, we both exploit our gender stereotypes and blame "human nature."

Guys' "not ready" excuse is propped on the assumption that "men can't commit." Somehow, it's supposed to make the dumpee take it less personally. Meanwhile, women's "someone else" line relies on the stereotype that women crave relationships. If a guy used that line he'd be a cheat, if a women used "not ready" she'd seem like she was lying, even if she wasn't.

Bottom line: there's no good way to reject someone. There are some really bad ways, though, like "too hairy" and "lack of punctuality-both popular excuses used on the site.

"In the absense of some bigger connection, we come up with little reasons not to like a person," explains McMillan, generously (seriously, we can be jerks). "If it was the right person you wouldn't care how they ate or if their fingernails are weird."

Incidentally, weird fingernails didn't rank on this survey. But someone's probably heard that line before.

Top 10 reasons men were dumped on What Went Wrong

1 There's someone else 14%
2 Our dietary habits differ too much 12%
3 Too high maintenance 11%
4 Too short 10%
5 You don't earn enough money for the lifestyle I want to have 10%
6 You don't make me feel attractive 10%
7 Lack of punctuality 9%
8 Lack of attraction 9%
9 Too much fighting 9%
10 I don't feel like I'm a priority 9%

Top 10 reasons women were dumped on Wot Went Wrong

1 I'm not ready for a relationship 15%
2 Bad hygiene 10%
3 I don't feel like I'm a priority 10%
4 Too much fighting 10%
5 Your sex drive is too low 10%
6 Lack of punctuality 9%
7 There's someone else 9%
8 Bad kisser 8%
9 I don't see a future with you 8%
10 Too hairy 8%

Related topics you may like to read:

BEST OF LIFESTYLE BLOGS

  • Daddy's home: A tribute to my dad

    Daddy's home: A tribute to my dad

    When my sister and I were little, our dad would announce his arrival every evening by whistling outside the window. It was a ritual; we would hear his Rajdoot motorcycle rumble to a stop, and then the familiar whistle would follow. My sister and would leave everything we were doing and rush out to greet him. More »

    IT'S A PARENT THING - 14 hours ago
  • 1

    1 More »

    Visit Britain - Wed 16 Apr, 2014 1:11 AM IST
  • Can Knowing Your Star Sign Make You a Better Mom?

    Can Knowing Your Star Sign Make You a Better Mom?

    Momstrology, the new book from AstroTwins Ophira and Tali Edut, is full of smart, on-target parenting tips. You approach motherhood just like you do everything else--head-on. But even though you're confident and sometimes a bit diva-like--fellow Aries Kourtney Kardashian and Victoria Beckham definitely are--your fourth house of motherhood is in Cancer, meaning you've got plenty of maternal instinct and nurturing qualities. You naturally put your needs first, which makes motherhood a big adjustment. More »

    IT'S A PARENT THING - Tue 15 Apr, 2014 7:32 PM IST
  • Vikas@Home: Dahi ki Tikki

    Vikas@Home: Dahi ki Tikki

    Sometimes easy recipes seem the most difficult to make. You may wonder how can one make a tikki out of dahi or yugurt, but this week, Chef Vikas shows you the easiest way to make this delicious vegetarian tikki. Try it out at home. More »

    Vikas @ Home - Tue 15 Apr, 2014 6:17 PM IST
  • 5 Kerala temple festival videos to make your Vishu …

    5 Kerala temple festival videos to make your Vishu …

    Kerala is a living kaleidoscope of folk art traditions that come vibrantly alive in the festive season. Enjoy this visual journey More »

    Traveler - Tue 15 Apr, 2014 3:55 PM IST

Join us on Pinterest

Follow us on Facebook

Write for Traveler