In a nutshell? Don’t talk to her about the things you are proudest of, or the things you are most embarrassed about,
and don’t ever say things that she wouldn’t want to hear. Yes, I know they say that it is important to foster a sense of trust, and all that jazz, but the rule of thumb is not to mention anything that you know she’d be reluctant to talk about.
You don’t believe me? Well, here’s the long list, then, of what not to say on a first date:
1. Past relationships
Yes, this is so simple that it doesn’t even merit a separate entry on this list, but bear with me, because I’ve seen earnest souls who think that ‘telling all’ is the best resort to captivate the girl of your dreams. Give us all a break. It’s just the first date; how do you know whether there will ever be a second? Keep the conversation light and easy. The first impression she has of you should be that you’re easy-going, not a nervous wreck or a prying nosey-poker.
2. Your accomplishments
…unless she asks specific questions, and then also, say as little as possible. By all means, mention the position you hold at work, but this should not be said in a tone that reeks of self advertisement. Again, there’s plenty of time for her to get to know about you. Why bore her with the details now? Instead, why not let testimonials from past employers, which are proudly displayed on your LinkedIn profile, speak for you, instead of you bragging about all the things you did?
3. Your definition of love
The modern woman does not believe that old-fashioned love still exists. Even girls from traditional families have been corrupted by the saas-bahu serials. So whether you believe in a supercalifragilistic sort of romance, or whether it was your baser masculine instincts that prompted you to meet her, keep your ideas about what constitutes love to yourself. Too sweet and she won’t believe you’re for real; too practical and she will call you unfeeling. You’re better off trying to understand what exactly she thinks about love and romance.
4. Your past hurts, or your failures as an employee/ son/ friend
Okay, nobody’s perfect, and being confronted with a face you consider perfection personified might prompt you to win her affection by pouring out your heart to her. Bad idea: the woman might feel sympathy for you, but sympathy is not compatible with affection. If you can’t deal with the things you don’t like about yourself, how can you expect much respect from her?
5. Your expectations
Or what you want out of the relationship. Or how you’d like her to behave. Instead, think of a first date as a way to get her to talk about herself. This way, instead of trying to bring her around to your way of thinking, you might be able to gauge how compatible you and she are by letting her hold court and by encouraging her to tell you what’s important to her.
This doesn’t imply that you should allow her to dominate the conversation. But it’s no secret that women are easily attracted by shy guys Combine this with an old-fashioned sense of chivalry and a sense of humour and you can’t go wrong! And when in doubt about what to say, remember: don’t ever say things that she wouldn’t want to hear!
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