Sex excuse 1: “I’m too tired”
“Please babe, I’ve been at work all day and I’m tired” – oh, that old chestnut. A recent study has revealed that the “I’m too tired” scenario has become the top excuse to avoid having sex, with “I have a headache” stepping down from first place to third on the list. As many of us seem to be working longer hours than ever before, it’s no surprise that when we reach our bedroom it’s often less of the passionate kissing and sexy underwear, and more about the unattractive pyjamas and comfortable slippers. Sometimes we even use “I’m too tired” as an excuse before we’ve even thought about whether we’re tired or not. In actual fact, sex floods the brain with relaxing chemicals such as oxytocin, which calms down our brains and compliments our sleep. Suddenly sex is back on the menu...
Sex excuse 2: “I’m on my period”
This is obviously an excuse that the gentleman among us can’t pull out of the bag when they’re just not feeling up to it. For the ladies, it’s a favourite excuse that works every time. When they drop it into a conversation casually, it’s an indirect way of saying “I’m not up for it. It’s just not happening so before we take this evening any further, please remember that the most you’re getting at the end of the night is a snuggle”. They know that the age-old ‘time of the month’ excuse makes men squirm a little bit before simply being quiet and not asking any more questions on the subject, making this the perfect excuse if they’re looking for a quick get-out that requires little effort or explanation. You can’t mess with nature, gentlemen.
Sex excuse 3: “I’m angry with you”
Some sneaky devils try and avoid sex by dragging out an argument for longer than it needed to last or purposely causing one. We’ve all heard of the scenario; you’re having a fantastic evening watching films, gorging on a candle-lit romantic meal, and laughing at each other’s jokes when suddenly the bedroom part comes and boom – you just remembered your argument from the other night. Suddenly the candles are blown out, the oversized comfy pyjamas have made their grand entrance and you’re lying on the bed facing opposite directions. No sex tonight. *Celebratory gasp of relief*
Sex excuse 4: “I’ve got a headache”
People all over the world seem to get a headache when it’s leading up to the big moment. We can’t think why. In fact, the fake headache excuse has been put to use so much that it made it to third place in a recent survey of top excuses for not having sex. If it’s a real headache and not a euphemism for “I don’t feel like doing it today, sweetheart” studies suggest that sex can actually help. Indeed, scientists believe that the chemicals released in your brain during sex make getting down and dirty 10 times more effective than Valium. It’s the pleasure aspect that provides pain relief though; if you just lie down passively and make your partner do all the work, it isn’t going to happen. If you’re the one playing the “I have a headache” card, make sure your partner doesn’t know this handy piece of knowledge. If they do, it might be worth picking another excuse off this list, just to be safe. If you’re partner’s using this excuse, they’ve just been busted.
Sex excuse 5: “I don’t have time”
We can feel your pain with this one. As we’re working longer hours, there seems to be less time for sex and more time for hard work. If you’re genuinely struggling for time, throw spontaneity out of the window and schedule sex in. It sounds unsexy, but there’s nothing wrong with planning a session of romance if it’s completely stopped happening on its own. If you’re one of those people who has plenty of time to plant flowers, paint the bathroom and make artwork out of melted wax crayons but suddenly have no time when it comes to sexy time, it might be best to think of a better excuse. They say that women can multi-task but ironing and doing the deed at the same time could be painful...